ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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