So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
