you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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