There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
