You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
