i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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