i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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