I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
