we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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