You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
