I only kidnapped one of them. chill
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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