got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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