R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
one two three fourrrrnication!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
