dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
