Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
