So drunk its hurt
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
