he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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