Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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