tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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