all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
