no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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