my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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