it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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