i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
