Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
