I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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