Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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