I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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