the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
