I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
