just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
