I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
