I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
