Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
