Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
