My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
