absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
