it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
