i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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