Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
