everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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