This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
