Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
