i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
