If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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