whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
