Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
