You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
