i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
