she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
