1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
