I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
